dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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