8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
