We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
