she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
