I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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