I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This toilet bowl is my home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
