I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
