Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
