i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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