So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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