If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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