Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
