aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she told me i tasted like america
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
