this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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