Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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