Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize