his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize