I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
