Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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