I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
