Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
