My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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