Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
