I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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