She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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