so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
