I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
