So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
