I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
