so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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