I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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