textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize