i was born a porn star she said
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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