Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
