note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
