Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
