Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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