You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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