You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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