who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
