well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
