I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
