Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
