And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
