I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
