So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
