i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
