Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
