If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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