Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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