Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i have herpe
just one?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
