Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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