I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
