I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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