I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
