God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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