That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
