Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
