By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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