please come you make the beer taste better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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