i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
