My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
