Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
