The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ladies don't puke and tell
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
