I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
