i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
