I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
