dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
