Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
