so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
