you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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