I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
